The One Question You Need to Ask If You Are Struggling
In my previous blogs, I’ve shared about my recent move to San Diego with my husband. We found an adorable one bedroom cottage near the ocean that needed some TLC. Well, a lot of TLC. The backyard was basically a mud pit.
Although my husband will attest to the frustration of committing multiple weekends to house work, we finally completed our to-dos and had our housewarming last month.
I’ve noticed a pleasantly surprising theme as people visit our new home. Almost everyone says “it has great energy.”
You don’t have to be a west coast hippie to understand what it means to visit a place and pick up its energy. It’s the feeling you get when you walk into a cafe that was creatively designed to make you want to stay there all afternoon.
It is also the feeling you get when you walk into a deserted and run down neighborhood block that makes you increase your speed to pass through it as quickly as possible.
Thanks, right brain!
We can thank the right brain for this. The left hemisphere is responsible for picking up verbal information. Our non-verbal right brain takes in visual cues from the environment.
Both are constantly picking up information and communicating to you, but the right brain is the one that gives you that ‘hunch’ or ‘intuition’ and picks up the energy of your surroundings. It also picks up the energy of people.
Like that time someone was saying all the ‘right things’ but your gut was picking up a different vibe? Only 30% of our communication is language — the other 70% we pick up is in tone of voice and body language.
Does your business have a good vibe?
So what does this have to do with business? Well, the ENERGY of your business is everything! If you can pick up on the energy of others, they can pick up on yours too. So you have to ask yourself: Do you have good energy?
I see this all too often in my work. Smart, well-spoken, highly trained professionals say all the right things, but aren’t getting the results they want because their vibe repels people like the refrigerator magnets in Stranger Things 3 (just watched that season- SO GOOD!).
Or another one that frustrates me: healers and practitioners who aren’t doing their own inner healing work (and thus not walking the walk) so their inauthenticity screams “Don’t trust me!”
Energy is the difference between a good service-oriented salesperson and a sketchy used car salesman.
Energy is the difference between a business that has more ease and flow and one that attracts chaos and struggle.
So what is the foundation of one’s energy and how can you foster more positive vibes?
Do your inner work.
You know that person in your life who always has a cranky edge to them and exudes anger toward the world? Or that person who is constantly worrying and so anxious that you start to sweat when you’re around them?
Or maybe you’ve met someone who had a heaviness about them and then they did a transformation weekend and come back looking like a whole new person.
The outer characteristics we exude are a direct reflection of our inner world. If you have unresolved anger inside, the anger will ooze out of your pores even when you’re being ‘nice’.
I know this one personally. Until I did some deep inner work in my late 20’s, I had an ‘angry’ edge to me. If you gave me too many cocktails, watch out!
What I discovered is I had anger toward my alcoholic biological father that I hadn’t let go of — but when I finally did, my energy shifted.
And it shifted in ALL areas of my life. So don’t go thinking that some childhood trauma isn’t related to your business. Our body keeps a good tab going, and you’re probably over due on payment.
Here are some ways/suggestions for starting your inner work journey.
1. First, therapy is the new black.
There is no shame in it and frankly we all need it. I suggest a cognitive or neuro-linguistic therapist, someone who is also well-versed in EFT (emotional freedom technique).
I’m also a big fan of some personal development weekends like The Landmark Forum and Woman Within/Man Kind Project. Tony Robbins is effective as well, but I personally feel the others are more intimate.
2. Have positive intentions.
This doesn’t mean ‘think good thoughts’. Intention is bigger than that. It is your overall commitment. It is your vision.
Most of us go through life reacting instead of proactively planning and setting intentions. I’ve often coached clients who were worried about how someone would react when they approached them with a request or a proposal.
My response is always this: “All that matters is your intention. If your intention is well-meaning, it will be very hard for someone to take it the wrong way.”
From a bigger picture perspective, businesses with a community-serving WHY have more profits. 90% of customers will choose a product or business that gives back in some way over one that does not (Neilson, 2014).
If you have chosen a business idea only for the money, guess who will pick up that intention? Your prospects. But if you have chosen to go into business because of a deeper purpose…don’t you think your prospects and potential partners will be inspired to interact with you differently?
We can also exercise the ‘intention’ muscle in day to day activities. Before you go into an important meeting, take a few breaths and ask yourself “What is my intention for this meeting and the desired outcome?”
Ask yourself this before key conversations or considering a new project. This will change your energy immediately because you will be grounded in your vision and speaking from clarity instead of a place of confusion and uncertainty.
3. Change your environment.
I recently worked with a client who realized that her decision to live at home with her parents was actually costing her more in energy than she was saving in money. Not having her own space and the drain of her parents’ own energy was leaving her unmotivated and making poor lifestyle choices.
She felt stuck and trapped. It exhibited as anger, fatigue, and anxiety in the workplace and in her relationships.
When we pick up on the energy of our surroundings, we internalize it. We all may have had that toxic friend who we needed to stop hanging around because their negative stuff was attaching to us like a Mind Flayer (like that second ST reference?).
When we shift our environment, our energy changes. As soon as my client was handed the keys to her new studio apartment, she immediately felt lighter and free. Can you imagine how different it’s going to be for others to be around her now?
Maybe you don’t need to make a drastic change like my client but even taking stock of the energy of your office or your home can make a difference.
If your space is cluttered or your yard is full of unfinished projects, taking small actions toward clearing these out can have positive effects. Even little things like adding plants or making a vision board to go on your wall can immediately shift your energy.
It’s who you are “being”.
I always tell my students, “It isn’t what you are doing, it is who you are being.”
In our society, the emphasis is usually on action and the to-do list. I’m here to tell you to focus on the being, the energy, your vibe.
If you can pick it up on others, they can pick it up on you! And no one is immune — we all have a way of being. It is either working for you, or against you. Which will you choose?
p.s. Check out the ‘energy’ of our new back yard!
