How my ‘perfect plan’ went to sh*t
After a year of planning my ideal DIY backyard wedding, two months ago I got married in Connecticut on July 7.
As a detail-oriented person, I was confident I had the perfect plan.
I had spent hours researching the best advice to brides, late nights ordering favors and little additions to the décor, and wrote numerous emails to vendors. I hired a day-of person (a former client) to conduct it all, and we met multiple times prior to the wedding.
I even had a “group meeting” with my mother, the host of the venue (my aunt), and other wedding-party helpers. I was proud of my numerous excel sheets (four to be exact) detailing everything we needed with checklists, timelines, and diagramed, hand-drawn pictures.
I had the perfect plan for my wedding. I used all my leadership and communication skills from the last decade. I was confident it would all go smoothly, without a hitch. Sure, maybe a few small things would go awry, but I wasn’t worried.
Well, the universe reminded me of a lesson I often teach my clients: the perfect plan does not guarantee a perfect outcome.
Be careful how much time you spend planning, because the only way to get a result is to get into action—plan or not.
It all started when…
… the wrong tent arrived; we weren’t there for the delivery. Instead of one big tent, we got two small ones (and no notice of the change). We spent hours rearranging the tables and dance floor placement, just two days before the wedding.
Instead of the big, open space we planned on, we now had a line of poles separating our guests. On the day of the event, the napkins we ordered were nowhere to be found. My uncle had to make a last minute run to Target so our guests could wipe their faces!
And then the big whammy. While taking pictures after the ceremony, my new husband came up to me and said, “Take a quick picture with your friends Adan and Joanne because they need to help in the kitchen.” WHAT?
Then it got worse
Our caterers had arrived and dropped off the food then left. They were supposed to help our staff put food on to platters and oversee the service to the tables. Instead, they left us with containers of food, too few platters to serve it on, and no instructions.
Luckily, my two friends who have a lot of restaurant experience stepped in and spent an hour delegating in the kitchen instead of enjoying our reception. The food that was supposed to come out and be eaten by 8 pm wasn’t finished until 9:30 pm.
I was mortified as I tried to enjoy my dinner, watching my friends WORKING at my wedding. I immediately went into my head: “Are people pissed and hungry? What must they think seeing my friends now serving them food?”
And all those nice details I planned disappeared. The lemonade we bought wasn’t served (leaving non-alcohol drinkers with only water), the little signs that described the dessert were never put out (how would people know they had gluten free graham crackers available for s’mores?!). The coffee and tea I bought weren’t put out, and few people took the cute favors or their named glasses with them. Only a handful of people filled out the polaroid photo booth!
Oh My!
You may be laughing as you read this. Because these small things seem so . . . small. But I was in shock that many of the little details I poured hours into creating NEVER MATERIALIZED. And my initial reaction was anything but rational. It was just human.
I was sure people would be upset and call it the worst wedding ever because they weren’t fed properly. I was certain my friends would be resentful they had to work on their day off. I also lost sleep days after the wedding trying to figure out how so many things went wrong.
Did I not communicate or delegate well enough? Should I have had another team meeting before the wedding? Did I hire the wrong people and, thus, am a bad decision maker?
But all the post-wedding emails, FaceBook posts, and messages shared the same sentiment: it was one of the best weddings friends and family had attended. The friends who worked my wedding for a couple hours said they were glad to be there to help, and felt honored to be a part of the solution.
No one noticed all the little absent things, which I was sure would negatively impact everyone’s experience.
What they did notice
They noticed the beautiful venue, our vows, the fireworks, the love, and our special couple’s dance. In fact, my maid of honor acknowledged all the little details that she felt made the wedding magical.
No one CARED that dinner took an hour and a half to be served or that my little heart-shaped marshmallows were forgotten on the s’mores platter (GASP!).
No one noticed all the things I was so disappointed were missing.
By now you may understand my message. But how does this apply to business?
My 5 Big Takeaways
Here’s what I want you to take away:
1) There is no such thing as a perfect plan. In the end, you do your best but you can’t control the outcome. Be sure you aren’t spending more time “planning” instead of doing. Done is better than perfect, always.
2) No one cares as much as you about your business (or wedding). You’ll make mistakes but I promise, no one will notice!
3) What matters are the big things, like intention, connection, and love. That is what people noticed and took home from my wedding, not a silly little air-plant magnet.
4) Community is your most important asset. If it wasn’t for my loving friends, my family, and my husband, our wedding wouldn’t have happened at all. A lot more would have gone wrong if it not for the generosity of people who loved me. They were glad to help out so that I could relax and enjoy this special day. Nurture your relationships and partnerships. Because when sh*t hits the fan, they will clean your face.
5) Let go and be grateful. In the end, I decided I could choose to suffer over the past I couldn’t change or create an empowering context. I focused on letting go of what I couldn’t control and being grateful for the magical wedding and nuptials. I have to trust that it went exactly as it should.
My perfect plan went to sh*t . . . but I still had a perfect wedding, flaws and all.
If you are still constantly planning and waiting for everything to be “perfect,” STOP.
Step into the journey that awaits you and embrace all of the mistakes. The outcome will be perfect for YOU!
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