Why I Turned Down a Guaranteed Six-Figure Opportunity
Business isn’t stagnant. I used to think that once I hit six figures, I would have reached the finish line.
But once the marathon was over and as I tried to scale my business, I noticed that where there was once ‘flow’, was now stagnation.
This has forced me into a period of reflection and over the past few months I’ve been a caterpillar in a chrysalis. The only thing clear to me is that I’m being called to really define my mission, or at least the next stage of my mission.
But as someone who has always known what she wanted, it has been scary to not have the answers.
Getting Answers
But one way to discover what you do want is to understand what you don’t want.
Recently, I was given an opportunity to work for a prestigious company coaching other business coaches. It was a guaranteed six-figure-a-year position. It seemed like everything I could want: doing what I love and having security.
But when I went to interview for the position, my body had a visceral reaction. I felt trapped. Every cell in my body screamed “NO!”
I teach my clients to listen to these ‘gut’ reactions because when we don’t, we make mistakes that cost us more in the end. My rational brain thought this was an ideal position but my higher self, or deeper knowing (could it be my right brain?) was smarter.
You see, this awesome job would have required I go back to corporate. During the interview, they were clear that I could not do this work remotely; they expected me to come to the office every day. I’d be in a cubicle again, with a boss, and a 9-5 schedule.
To take that position would have been in direct conflict with my core need for FREEDOM. It was this very need that had me choose entrepreneurship a decade ago and all its risks over the stability of a 9-5.
If I stepped over this need, I would have been miserable in the end. And frankly, I wouldn’t have been very good at my job as a result.
Rejection Can Be Good for You
Interestingly enough, even though I had my draft email ready to send them a few days later to thank them for the opportunity but to decline any further interviews, they wrote me to say they decided to move forward with someone else.
I was relieved! It was confirmation to me that the position wasn’t for me.
Every rejection is protection. I truly believe that. If you don’t get a client or a project, consider it wasn’t meant for you. Sure enough, some other aligned opportunities came my way shortly thereafter.
What’s at your core?
So, friend, what are your core needs? What are your non-negotiables?
Once you are clear on this, it will help you make the decisions that are not only in your best interest but in the best interest of others! You’ll choose the right partners and the more you say “NO”, the more you’ll get the things that you are a “YES” to.
Here is a short exercise to understand your deeper core needs.
List your FEARS.
We have been trained to fear our fears. Fear isn’t a bad thing — it is a messenger, a teacher.
When we stop running away from the emotion of fear and actually sit down with it, get curious, and let it speak to us, we can have a deeper understanding of what is important to us.
One of my fears is being so broke that I end up on the streets bringing shame to my family. Remember that fears aren’t rational and the chance of a fear actually coming true is very slim, but it doesn’t mean we don’t honor it.
Fear is there to protect us in some way. So when I sit down with this particular fear, I understand that a core need of mine is meeting my basic financial expenses. If I don’t have that, I’m out of alignment and can’t be my highest self.
So I always have to have a plan to do that, whether it is passive income or consistent part-time contract work.
List your NEEDS (even if you have them).
This part may take some more brainstorming. Why? Because we often neglect our needs. The wired societal norms of ‘should’ get in the way of honoring the things that are truly aligned.
So start by just listing everything you need but then I suggest going back through the list and really determining if anything on your list is a ‘should’ instead of a need.
For example, using finances again, I know that I need to meet my basic monthly needs (rent, food, bills, etc) plus a $1000 buffer.
At first, though, my need was a much bigger buffer than that. Because I thought I “SHOULD” have more money saved or put toward any debt.
When I put this self-imposed limit aside, I found I could meet my core need of financial stability just fine with less.
This is especially helpful if you are new to business. Building a business can take time but at some point you will need to leap into it full time.
Many people think they need to be making tons of money in their business before they make that leap and so…they never leap and then their business never truly takes off.
You leap when your core need has been met.
It is important for me to mention here that another core need of mine is flexibility and independence. This means the ability to make my own schedule, work remotely, and be in charge of how I use my time.
So you can see that even though that six figure job opportunity met my financial need, it did not meet my need for independence. Which brings me to the next point…
Re-Align Your Core Needs to Your Life.
What often happens is that we make decisions based off only one need (often a societal “should”) without taking into consideration the other needs. Then we wonder why we aren’t fulfilled or are stressed out months later.
Go over the list you’ve created and narrow them down to about five or six CORE NEEDS. These are your personal commandments. When we overstep our needs, we overstep our own personal boundaries which leads to unhappiness and burn-out.
Look at your list, which needs have you been neglecting? How can you realign your life to meet these needs? It often doesn’t require a huge make-over, just some small daily habits and shifts.
Or maybe it does mean you need to hire a coach or therapist to look at how you can start to realign your life and business to one that is AUTHENTICALLY yours.
What I Need
In full transparency, I’m sharing a recent list of personal needs I created:
- Financial Consistency & Stability: Reliable and dependable monthly income that covers basic needs (rent, food, health, other monthly basic bills) and some fun/entertainment and have enough buffer (at least $1000).
- Fulfillment: for my work to not feel like work.
- Flow: time passes quickly when I’m working on purpose
- Good Health: enough sleep, a body that is well enough to allow me to be physically active (yoga/surf/bike, etc)
- Fun: to have time for fun and enjoy all that life has to offer- to be able to go on adventures and discover new things
- Flexibility/Independence: ability to make my own schedule (not working more than 30 hours a week on avg), take my work on the road if needed, and be in charge of how I use my time.
When I review these needs, I can see what is missing that may be contributing to any stress or unhappiness in my life. Then I can take action.
Why Not Have It All?
If you’re human, you may take a look at my list of needs or your own and immediately think: “I can’t have ALL of that.”
You may think that because you’re a busy mom, a minority, or chronically ill…that you just can’t have it all.
Be careful with this scarcity mindset — the brain can always come up with ‘reasons’ for why it isn’t possible and then guess what…you don’t even try.
The last part of the exercise is to write two NEW lists:
- A list of people you know who are like you and have all these things (once our brain sees it is possible for others, it starts to see how it can be possible for us)
- A list of actions that you can start to take toward achieving these needs. They can be tiny bite size actions like making a doctor appointment, doing some research, or sharing the list with a friend. Or maybe it is a list of things NOT to do anymore like saying “yes” every time your neighbor asks for a favor or picking up after your messy teenager who is perfectly capable of doing it themselves. 🙂
I hope that these exercises can help bring some more clarity into your life and business.
It is important to note that these lists are a starting point. The purpose is not to be overwhelmed by how mis-aligned your needs may be.
The purpose is to gather information that can inspire new actions. It can be scary to set boundaries and honor these needs because, frankly, we haven’t been taught to do that.
So start small and see the shifts arise!
